I've been coming to terms with a strong pattern in my life lately and today I would like to express a little about it here, if only to get it out of my head and onto "paper", perhaps clearing it to some degree in the process... ;)
It is about the
challenges I personally encounter producing/creating/activating things here in the
PHYSICAL world... Doing things in this physical reality has always seemed like a
struggle to me in some way or another - whether it's
roller-skating, woodworking or while in a
morbidly obese body, even just walking...I have often felt challenged with things here in the physical plane, as if I'm
moving through mud with all of these kinds of things... ;)
I have been particuarly
aware of this pattern in recent months living here at our amazing, expanding "farm" in Ecuador, where I see other people around me every day working on
creating buildings, managing huge gardens and other very hands-on tasks...I feel sooooooooooooo much immense
gratitude and awe watching the guys here making whole houses with their hands, for example - these skills seem so
vastly beyond me at this point and like my
left-brain would explode trying to deal with all the details and measurements and preciseness that must go into their creations...I am
so grateful that there are people who know how to do these things, as if it was down to me, I doubt that
anything would have happened here on the land so far ;) LOL...
I notice that in this context, I am becoming more and more able and willing to
delegate, which is
key for me, otherwise all the ideas that I filter through from the
ethers would likely never make it into the physical - for example, I am
over-awed that I can ask someone else who is working in the garden to plant some pineapple tops and
20 minutes later, it's all DONE, instead of me just 'sitting' on the idea for days on end and never
quite getting the task completed...
on
June the 13th I enjoyed:
1 quart water
cup of mandarin/passionfruit juice
2 tbsp spirulina crunchies, 1 tbsp freeze-dried mushroom powders
mug of fresh horchata tea from our garden - WOW ;O
bowl of energy soup from the garden with nori/sauerkraut on the side, followed by a little hand-stirred yumpot of homemade almond butter, carob powder, stevia, orange oil = YUM :)
mug of fresh horchata tea from garden
more horchata ;)
water of a young coconut
I can imagine that this kind of
slow and awkward relationship with the physical might sound very
odd to some people, yet this is my current awareness of my patterns and I am
really happy to have such
clarity about this at this point - looking back I can see how this has been part of my reality since being a tiny child and how many
frustrations and complications I have experienced over the years as a result of not really understanding my relationship with the physical - from weeping with intense sorrow as a 4-year-old while thinking I'd NEVER understand how to
tie my shoelaces, to absolutely hopeless attempts to do things like ski, rollerblade,
skate-board or play a musical instrument, to huge issues with trying to learn to
drive a car, to massive struggles with creative projects like making wooden toys or attempting to single-handedly
re-design a children's playground at one point (
eeeeeeeek - NOT an ideal project choice for this gal ;) - my relationship to this physical reality has been a sticky one...
This pattern was also affirmed to me some months back in a very insightful
Hand Analysis session with the wonderful
Ronelle Coburn, who noted in my prints that I have a pretty
strong disconnect between my very creative and
clear-flowing mind/spirit and this physical reality - I was
laughing out loud at Ronelle's description of how my life had likely been so far, for example "
what do you MEAN I have to brush my teeth every day - can't I just do that once and it's over...?" With this kind of
disjointed relationship to the physical, everything can feel like a challenge and like
moving through mud...and I do literally remember as a child my
huge resistance to the idea of "having to" brush my teeth every day... ;)
on
June the 14th I appreciated:
1 quart water
cup of mandarin/passionfruit juice
2 cups coconut water blended with Elixir of the Lake
2 tsbp spirulina crunchies, 1 tbsp freeze-dried mushroom powder
bowl of energy soup from the garden with nori/sauerkraut/avocado on the side, followed by a little hand-stirred yumpot of homemade almond butter, carob powder, stevia, orange oil = YUM :)
mug of fresh horchata tea from garden
water of two young coconuts
on
June the 15th I loved:
1 quart water
cup of mandarin/passionfruit juice
2 cups coconut water blended with Elixir of The Lake
a few fresh yummmmy tomatoes from the greenhouse, followed by a bowl of energy soup from the garden, with sauerkraut on the side, followed by "yumpot" of homemade almond butter, carob powder, stevia, orange oil = yummmmm :)
watr of two young coconuts
mug of fresh horchata tea
Please understand that this relationship to the physical has not meant that I am "
clumsy" or unable to achieve
anything on the physical plane - I can and have been able to create/execute various things in the physical over the years to
some degree - it just tends to unfold at a
veeeeeeeeeeery slow pace and is often a
gruelling process for me (e.g. taking about seven years to learn how to ride a bike ;) ...negotiating the physical realm has definitely not seemed to be my
forte thus far... ;)
So, I am feeling delighted to finally have some
clarity about this pattern right now and am also excited to see how this may all
transmute into a
different pattern now that I have the
light of awareness shining brightly on this part of my being - I choose to release any attachment to this old pattern and am excited to see if it might start to
shift now - for example, with a group of women here in Vilcabamba, we have been discussing the idea of creating a "
sewing co-op" - the patience,
attention to detail and consistency of doing smthg like creating a piece of clothing is smthg that until now has felt totally beyond me, however, now I'm open to shifting this pattern, so...let's see what
unfolds from here... :)))
For now, I am so
grateful for this clarity...and especially for having other people around me who seem to have a much more
immediate, practical and direct connection to the physical... ;)
What gifts has clarity brought YOU recently...??? ;)
All love and gratitude,
The Stokes-Monarch. xxx
