Reaching Clarity...

Wow…I had my first salad today… (see pic – yes, it is in a bizarre kind of little white ‘bucket’…lol…as I said, I’m not equipped for eating in this house, just juicing…but hey, rather a bucket o’salad than a bucket o’wings or smthg… ;)
This salad was quite some experience and opened up a lot of stuff for me… It was a deliciously simple combination of about five lettuce leaves with half a bunch of cilantro (coriander) and a handful of basil leaves. I dressed it with hemp oil, lime juice and some dulse flakes. It is the first thing I have eaten containing more than one ingredient since starting to break this feast and it was amazing… The taste explosions in my mouth were like nothing I’ve ever experienced – so intense. I could feel and taste each part of it and sat chewing and marvelling at how incredibly satisfying such a simple salad could be…
It was then that I saw clearly one of the huge gifts this Juice Feast has brought me – prior to beginning this Feast, I was at the end of many months of travelling from raw talk to raw talk, restaurants, retreats and so on – I had been surrounded by delicious foods for months on end and had been eating all kinds of less-than-optimal combinations and complicated mixtures…my inner being could easily tell me over and over again that it would be great for me to eat more simply, yet actually DOING that felt very challenging at that time…now, the picture is of course completely different…wow, such a turn-around…this 3-month break from solids has put me in a position where it is INFINITELY more easy for me to eat simply and thoroughly enjoy it…whereas I’m sure a salad like I just ate tonight would have felt extremely bland a few months back and I would have experienced a feeling of ‘lack’ or missing out on something… another thing I noticed while preparing the salad was how much care I was taking to make sure every piece of greenery I was about to put into my body was fresh and healthy looking…I don’t think I’ve ever paid such close attention to that as I did today – there was a complete desire to just fuel this body with the best possible produce I can…and again, this is not something that has patterned much for me in my past.
As an obese person, my self-esteem was very low and what I can see now is that my prevailing attitude towards myself in all areas was that ‘anything will do’ because I felt so little self-worth, that I was not prepared to ask for the best for myself. It always seemed like I was ‘lucky’ to have or get anything at all, as I didn’t really ‘deserve’ anything…attention from others, nice clothes, the things I really wanted – whatever it was – I didn’t really feel like I was ‘worthy’… as a result, I was pretty much boundary-less in most areas of life – it was too much of a challenge for me to define what I really wanted/needed/desired, as I didn’t feel like I was really ‘deserving’ of any of it, so I held my energetic boundaries wide open towards everything. I didn’t make my choices clear. Any food was ‘good enough’, any attention from people was a bonus – especially any male attention - and so on…
I would look at other women and couldn’t get my head around how they could be so small. Lol…that maybe sounds funny to others, but everything about them looked so small to me – little feet in little pretty shoes, tiny clothes, small handbags – littlelittle people…how did they fit into those little spaces? How was it that they ironed their clothes and had them folded and hanging on rails in closets, when mine were in a big bundle exploding out of my backpack…? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t suddenly have post-Feast aspirations to start ironing my clothes and wearing kitten heels ;) ...but it does show me some key things about my patterns…mainly how much I have NOT been choosing clarity for myself, how my boundaries have been big and broad and not very ‘clean/clear’… I like the way David Rain uses the analogy of coming out of the end of a Juice Feast with a very ‘clean’ body as like getting a brand new car…you don’t want just ANYONE and ANYTHING in that new vehicle…you don’t want dirty feet and stinking foods and grubby hands…you want to preserve that ‘new-car-vibe’ for as long as possible…right? Suddenly there are new rules – no more eating ice cream in the car, no more getting in with muddy shoes, no more hands on the windows – the old ways aren’t acceptable any more… Well…that’s what this feels like too…new body, new rules :) Hmmmmmm…long may it last…

Today I have had:

500ml (1 pint) water
500ml (1 pint) prune soak water
7oz/200g soaked prunes
150g/5oz diced papaya
water of one old coconut
½ medium watermelon
500ml (1 pint) water
1 green salad – lettuce, cilantro, basil, hemp oil, lime juice, dulse flakes
1.2 litres (1.2 quarts) celery/red pepper/garlic/orange juice

I LOVE PRUNES…I really do…they are really pleasing me at the moment – sooo sweet and simple and yummy…the papaya was great too – another new addition for today – I actually bought a lot more of it in the shop, but decided to share it with an old begging woman on the street as it was so delicious and she seemed so interested in it…she seemed pleased…I also tried a new experiment today of inhaling green powder straight into my mouth with a straw…I don’t recommend it…lol…

Today is the last day to buy my juicing e-book at the pre-order price of $10. ‘A Juice Feaster’s Handbook’ will be sent out tomorrow evening to all those who have pre-ordered and the price will increase to $15 from then on…so, if you haven’t already ordered, you can get your copy HERE now :)

One love,
Angela. xxx